Rambling.

My mind hasn't been functioning properly lately. I blame this on constantly waking up at 6:30 in the morning. Unless you have a farm, 6:30 is not an appropriate time for anyone to be awake. This said, I think that working this early should be against the law. I mean, for fucks sake! The sun isn't even up, maybe that's my problem? During the summer waking up at 7 sucks but it's already light out and the birds are singing so it's not TOO terrible. Fucking Alaska. I love it here, I really do, but all the darkness gets to me. I keep myself as busy as possible to ignore the fact that I'm constantly slowed down.
On a completely different note I've been thinking a lot about babies. NO! I am not wanting one at this moment. I just think it's funny that girls my age (yes girls, I don't consider us to be women yet) are already having strong maternal instincts. I've actually talked to a lot of my girl friends about this very thing. None of us want kids right now, but every once in a while you think "I really want a baby" then you have to mentally bitch slap yourself because what you just thought was unbelievable. I try to avoid these thoughts by babysitting children, but then of course, I happen to babysit a one year old like Enzo and fall head over heels in love. I know it's because biologically speaking I should be having kids right now, as many as I can. But it really is annoying! I mean come on! I shouldn't be thinking about children right now, I should be thinking about bettering myself, expanding my future through education, blah blah blah. But what am I really thinking about? Babies.
Is it weird that I have a baby back up plan? Like an, oh shit I'm pregnant what the hell am I supposed to do plan? I don't think it's a thing that most girls think about. I do though, I think about it every single month. I even have a savings account dedicated to it. I call it my oh shit account. I put 40-45% of each paycheck in it.
Another thing, is it weird that I budget every one of my paychecks? 40-45% in bills, 40-45% in savings and 10-20% for me to spend on whatever? I mean, I'm almost 20 and I already have a "mint" account. I guess I'm just growing up. It's so bizarre to me, growing up. My friends are getting married, thinking about getting married, having babies and what not. I mean, holy shit! I'm almost 20 fucking years old. The other day that hit me when I was talking to Damon. We were talking about the summer, his birthday is in the summer, and I realized that he's turning 23!! Gah! I know that that's really not all that old, but to me it's mind blowing! I started dating the kid when he was 20, now I'm almost 20.
That's also sort of depressing, what have I done with my life in the last 3 years? Nada. Unless you count getting 3 tats, which no one does (lol)! This summer I want to take one class online, just to see if I really want to go to school. I'm kind of having problems with the whole future thing. I know I really REALLY want to be a stay at home mom while I have younger kids, but then I think I want to be a teacher after that. So my plan is to go to school and become a history major, or maybe major in education that way when my kids are in school I can get a job! Again, I know it's weird to be thinking about all of this when I'm not even 20 yet. But I do think about it, almost every day. I also have a few names (including middle names) I want to name my kids. I want to have kids when I'm 26-28, 2 or 3 kids, 2 or 3 years apart.
Ok, I'm going to stop now. I'm just rambling, and I'm sure no one wants to know about this :P
My motivation for today is sleep.